Shit You Hear When You Wear Acrylic Nails
We all have our own form of self-care, and for some of us, that means trips to your favorite manicurist for a full set or fill. Yea, I said it. I wear acrylic nails. I love them. I go through phases where I love them, and then I don’t want to wear them for years. Recently I have been really into the mountain peak shape, and I am obsessed with them. You will probably catch me checking them out because I love them so much.
I have forgotten the shit you hear when you wear false nails. Can we all just take a minute to realize that women, like myself, who wear false nails do it because we love it? It makes me feel beautiful and my fingers long, and I love the style. I don’t consider myself high maintenance (you’d have to ask my boyfriend, however), I don’t typically bite my nails and I am not trying to show off to anyone. I just like them and love getting my nails done. I do not love the comments that come along with them, and yes, these are all thing’s that I or one of my nail rocking gal-pals have heard.
1. Are those your real nails?
No, I am not patient enough as a human being to grow my nails out this long, and this conversation is already testing it.
2. Can you even do [INSERT LITERALLY ANYTHING] with your nails?
I can do a lot of things with my nails, such as being a polite person. Since you don't wear false nails is that why you are so rude?
3. Those look like demon nails!
Thanks and fuck you too!
4. I just prefer a more natural look.
I prefer talking to nonjudgemental humans, but I have to settle for a butt wipe like you.
5. Do they hurt?
Not as much as having to sit through this conversation.
6. I wish I had the time to do it, but I'm just always too busy.
Sucks to be you then. You should probably make self-care a higher priority.
7. Have you ever cut anyone with them?
No, but I've cut people with knives when they ask dumb questions.
8. Can I touch them?
*Reaches for knife*
9. I don’t find acrylic nails on girls attractive
Damn, that's a shame. I was doing all of this to be more attractive to YOU specifically.
10. Are you mashing your keyboard?
No, I'm typing, I'm just looking good while I do it.
11. Have you ever poked your eye?
Yes, actually, I have. #NoRegrets
12. Those are tools!
You're a tool.
13. Will you rub my back?
14. What does your boyfriend/husband/girlfriend partner think of them?
He ultimately doesn’t give a shit, but he asks me to rub his back a lot…
15. How do you text with your nails so long?
Like a normal person with my fingers.
16. Do you bite your nails a lot?
17. Girls with fake nails scream high maintenance.
Remarks like that scream "I'M AN ASSHOLE!"
18. Your hands are sexy.
That is creepy, and every part of me is sexy.
19. How do you wash your coochie with them?
......But why do you want to know?
20. But, how long do they really last?
A lot longer than this conversation
21. That's such a waste of money.
It was either that or my other hobby, burning money.
22. Did you do those yourself?
Yes, wanna pay me to do yours?
23. Aren't you afraid of ruining your real nails?
Not as much as my IQ level dropping from this conversation.
24. So and so says that anything on your nails is poisonous to your health.
It probably is, but we have such a short time on this planet as it is, I don't want to be afraid of the what-if's and pass a chance up to enjoy what I can while I can.
25. They just look so….fake.
Thanks for the unsolicited opinion.
26. Aren’t you afraid guys won’t find them attractive?
No. I don't live my life that way. If you are, I think you should see a therapist.
27. Those look amazing!
Thank you! The best and, honestly, the only ok thing to say to someone with false nails because even if you don’t like them, they do, so don’t shit all over someone’s style just because it doesn’t line up with yours.
Look, false nails aren't for everyone. I get it. But c'mon people, just because my style isn't yours doesn't make it "okay" for rude jokes and, well, just plain ol' being rude. You never know when I am going to turn around and fire back plus, I have claws.
If you have a favorite nail design or a friend who rocks a manicure that you want to share, please comment! We are starting "The Daily Nail" to feature other manicure lovin' gals and their amazing designs!