A Friendly Reminder of Things You Shouldn't Be Apologizing for
When I was younger, I was prone to two catchphrases that I’m not proud of. The first being “am I in trouble?” because I seriously have a fear issue when dealing with authority figures. The second being “I'm sorry.” I want to punch myself in the mouth thinking about all the times I would just say “I'm sorry” and I know I am not the only one to have suffered from this nasty little habit.
Why do so many people, especially women, have this incessant need to apologize when we have nothing to be sorry about? Not only does it waste our time and trick ourselves into feeling guilty and negative over nothing, but it also brings down the value when we honestly have something to be sorry about. Over the years I have worked hard on kicking this habit, particularly after my parents kept pointing out how often I was saying it (and how disingenuine it was starting to sound). That isn’t to say that if you have something to be sorry about to not apologize about, but certain things don’t need apologizing for.
Giving Your Opinion
This one always got me. There is no reason to give an apology up front for giving your opinion, especially if its solicted. Why go through the trouble of having an idea if you're just going to be kicking yourself for it? If you have a mind (which YOU DO), then use it and use it fearlessly, independently and shamelessly.
So many times I have heard “sorry I look like such a mess.” Why? As long as you aren’t waving an exposed weiner in front of small children, I don't usually care what you look like and definitely never think anyone owes me an apology for their face and outfit. If someone is judging you on your appearance to the point of feeling they are owed an apology, then they owe YOU an apology cause that just ain't cool, yo.
Venting out Your Feelings to a Friend
You may have been there before. You got upset and vented it out and after you’ve calmed down your immediately follow up is “sorry for venting.” If you are talking it out with someone and consider them to be a safe space, then you don’t need to apologize. They understand and love you and know you are going through something tough. Rather than saying you’re sorry, finish a venting session with a depth of gratitude to them for taking the time to listen to you.
Bumping into Tables an/or Chairs
Why are you apologizing to inanimate objects?! The tables and chair don’t mind and yea, you are right - they WERE in the way!!
This is a weird one because at the end of the day we don't have any control over blushing. Sometimes it just happens. I know when I get flustered, I turn a bright red that reaches all the way down to my chest. I remember once in class when I had to give a speech in front of everyone it happened and some jerk a year older than me pointed at it and interrupted me to bring it to everyone's attention which garnered a great laugh at my expense. I remember pausing, apologizing to the class that it had happened and kept moving through my speech but WHY did I feel the need to apologize to them? That stupid asshole should have been apologizing TO ME! And if I could remember his name I would name him in this blog post but thank god I haven’t held onto the hurt that much after 10+ years.
Taking Some Much Needed Alone Time for Yourself
It can feel weird excusing yourself from a crowded room at a party or leaving a busy function early, but when you’ve hit your wall when it comes to social engagements, it’s ok to take that alone time you need for yourself, unapologetically. Some people are built to last long and even thrive when it comes to being social, but for some people, it is taxing and exhausting. When it’s time for some solo dolo time, let it be known. It’s okay that you don’t want to sit around talking for hours on end for days at a time.